Balancing It All As a Mom and Business Owner: Personal Blog
The fact that I am writing this blog a day late, while sitting at the airport waiting to catch a flight out of town to go do my other job should be a perfect example of how I, in fact, do not always "balance it all".
I wear a lot of hats. For one, I own Disrupt. For the longest time I was the only therapist, but for the last couple of years the title of "owner" also comes with "employer". On top of Disrupt, I coach in the gym I am a member of. I also teach for a continuing education company for other phyiscal therapists, that includes being a teaching assistant in an online course, as well as traveling all over the country to teach on weekends. Oh, and most importantly, I am a mom to two fiesty, spirited littles, and also a wife.
Are you tired reading that? Because phew typing it out I am tired.
I have hit several "reevaluation points" throughout the last couple of years. What brings me joy? What commitments can I let go of, or which ones are no longer worth the trade off?
Truthfully, I love everything I do. I LOVE coaching in the gym, because being a part of that community has given me everything from a place to work to a place to workout to friends and more. I also feel like coaching has made me a significantly better physical therapist. I LOVE seeing patients in clinic. Creating relationships, empowering others, and celebrating when a goal is crushed is the driving force behind this business and I can't imagine doing anything else. I LOVE teaching. On the rare occasions I start feeling burn out creeping in, I remember back to the feeling of being at an ICE course and the fire re-lit every single time. Meeting other therapists, breaking down barriers in pelvic health, and spreading the love of fitness forward therapy...there's just no words to describe the joy of it all.
And I LOVE my babies. They are my favorite humans on earth. They bring me so much joy, laughter, let's be real stress and frustration, and ultimately fulfillment. I'd be lying if I said taking time away from them to travel, or staying late one evening to fit in a few more PT visits didn't make me question everything. But at the end of the day, I am happiest when I get to fulfill my goals and happiness, too. And setting aside time to do the things that light that fire makes me a better mom. So how do I do it and "balance it all" (remember though....I actually don't)
1) Ask for help. Directly and clearly.
My husband is incredibly supportive. He has never once told me "no I won't do that" when I have asked for help. However, it took me awhile to learn HOW to ask for help. If I am trying to rush out the door in the morning to see a patient, and in my head I expect him to get the kids ready, but when I walk out of the room he is drinking in coffee and eating breakfast while the kids run feral because I never communicated to him when I need to leave by or how I need support, I really can't be mad. Old Rachel would be, and would stomp around the house thinking "here I go, doing everything". When I started communicating better, and asking for help instead of taking it on myself to do it all, life got way better. In the example above, now I would tell Bobby ahead of time "hey my first patient is at 8 tomrrow. Can you make sure the kids are ready to leave by 7:40?" OR maybe even "hey, can you take the kids to school tomorrow instead?"
As a business owner, this looks like asking my employee for help when I need it (shout out to Kassi because holy cow I don't know how I would do this without you!).
2) Letting go of the idea that I have to do it all
I don't HAVE to do all the things. I GET to do the things. And if I don't do it all, that's okay. I saw a meme about how elder millenials are conditioned to want to be the homemaker but also the full time working mom and also the high achiever in their careers but also head of the PTA and also the best wife ever and also make sure we are always present with our children and also and also and also. The reality is there is just not enough of me to go around and do it all, so something has to give. It 's okay if my house is messy on a busy week. It's okay if we go out to eat or make mac and cheese and chicken nuggets because I didn't have time to meal prep. It's alright if my kids get a bonus movie night on a weeknight my husband travels and I solo parent after a day of work.
3) Block time to do things that recharge me
The crankiest I have ever been as a mom is when I didn't prioritize time to exercise. I would feel resentful if my husband got to work out one day when I didn't. When I started blocking time in my schedule to work out the minimum number of times I wanted to a week, for one it became significantly easier to hit that goal without feeling guilty or feeling like I should be doing something else instead. It also gave me an outlet for stress that built up in all the roles I was fulfilling. Maybe your favorite thing isn't exercise, maybe it is art, or music, or community. Whatever it is, block the time off for yourself. It is not selfish. If you don't take care of you, who will? If you don't take care of you, how will you take care of others?
4) Enjoying the small moments
I feel like there is this stigma that If you aren't engaging with your kids constantly, then the time spent isn't "good enough". Sometimes snuggling on the couch while they watch an episode of Bluey is my favorite moment of the day. Sometimes, my favorite moment is playing hide and seek, or running around the house playing monster and being silly. Sometimes its literally letting them swipe through pictures on my phone and talking about old memories. Quality time doesn't have to look like curated activities and educational moments. Find joy in the small, mundane things and let go of the "pinterest mom" ideal.
5) Find yourself a community that will lift you up
Being a mom-preneur is tough. It's hard to keep all the balls in the air, and inevitably one will drop. Surround yourself with people who are there to help you pick up the balls. Whether that is through lending a shoulder to cry on, an extra set of hands to hold a baby while you knock something out, a ride for a kid from place a to place b, or cheerleaders to let you know you are crushing it. It takes a village. We aren't meant to be solitary, isolated family units. Find your village, and lean into their support.
I've been at this mom game 4.5 years now, and business owner game about as long. I have learned a lot of lessons along the way, and I am sure I will continue to learn more as time goes on. If you are in the trenches of mom-preneur life, I see you. You are crushing it. And if you need some support, reach out. We are stronger when we lean in to each other <3
-Dr. Rachel
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